that's what you're trying to do.

A lot has happened since last blog. Christmas passed and it was quite good. I had a lot of fun with everyone at all the dinners I went to. I've been to the Casino a lot and it's addicting. I'm glad everyone liked the gifts I bought them because I actually love buying things for people. I have a new dog now. His name is Jackson and he is a Puggle. I got him for my mom for Christmas but I obviously take care of him too. Everything else has been great and I'm looking forward to a new year. I have no idea what my plans for new years are yet but I'm sure in the end it will be tons of fun. I think this year I will spend new years with Jon since everyone else is so confusing with plans and no one seems to agree on anything. We will see when it gets a little closer to then though. I know I had so much more to say but I've gone blank now. I worked 9 hours today and now i'm waiting for the bf to come home from a show in Buffalo so he can pick me up. It's almost 1:30am already though so I hope he msgs soon. That's all for now.

tell me what's been going on.

Going out tonight with the besties. I hardly ever see anyone because they're too busy. I didn't do anything today but I really should have done laundry. I think i'll try to do it tomorrow before work seeing as work fucked up my schedule and i'm pretty mad about it. It also sucks that I have to miss Robyn's birthday because of work, I really wanted to go. Jon's birthday is on Wednesday so that should be super fun seeing as it's Nick's birthday too. I have no idea what were going to do but i'm sure we will figure out something. I wrapped a few of Jon's things today, but I just have to go to the post office to get one last thing that I ordered. I'm buying my mom a dog this year so i'm pretty excited to have a cute new dog around. She wants to name him Jackson which is pretty cute but I have a feeling she will change her mind once she sees him. Well for now I'm going to continue to be addicted to Tumblr and blog later.

end.

I just want pure happiness. I want a place in this world.

over to the right.

I have all my shopping done. Feels good minus the money! It's not like I spent it all but it still sucks. Yesterday was my 1 year with my love. It was fun/good and I enjoyed spending the time with him of course. We didn't do anything special but that's okay, he's the only person I would have wanted to be with. It is defiantly weird starting over, I mean it's been a year so it's not quite starting over but I would almost be at 5 years now so that seems crazy to me.

pursue what catches your heart.

I am now in bed, alone, with my new laptop and shitty blackberry just tumbling and blogging now. I'm also playing some stupid Facebook status game, which I know i'll end up regretting. Tomorrow I work a stupid 3 hour shift I should have never even accepted, but my fault now. I finally get to see Jon in what has seemed to be forever but we have lots to catch up on. This weekend is our one year. It seems like a lot longer but i'm secretly stoked to see what he has planned for me, if anything. I really like being able to post whenever now that I finally got another computer. I feel like I forget a lot of stuff when I don't post days at a time, like I feel they should have been noted. Ahh, well. Keep following me on Tumblr, but don't worry, i'll always be here too.

happy camper.

Follow me on tumblr:

reasonsfarandfew.tumblr.com

<3

most obvious weakness.

I just got home. Spent the weekend with all my friends and boyfriend. Saturday night was my birthday party with my girlfriends, which was a lot of fun. There was this big fight sort of ordeal with this other group of girls, pretty funny I must say. I had a good time today with just Jon. I like just taking it easy with him and doing fun stuff just us two. Now that Cecil is gone it's a lot more difficult to make plans for certain things but so far we've gotten around it. I don't exactly feel like he's gone but I might tomorrow when I have to walk to work.

I feel like being 20 comes with a lot more responsibilities. I feel too old to live at 'home', to not be in school, and to not have a good job with a nice car. No one I know has that at 20 so I don't feel that bad about it. I want to go to school and have a good life for myself. I want a lot of things. Right now I can't be picky, but I also can't be so down about it. I am happy with what I have, for now.

Goodbye 19.

Tomorrow is the big 2o. It's really weird thinking i'm this old now. Jon told me today it seems a lot older then 19, and I agree. I imagined myself in a different place at 2o. I had a rough day yesterday and I want to try and be happy being this age. I'm going to have a new start seeing as its almost 2011.

Beth should be here soon, then after I drive her home tonight i'll be alone until I see Jon around 2. I think the rest of this week is going to be pretty fun too. The only thing that sucks is saying goodbye to my beloved Cecil. It's going to be rough at first but i'll get used to the change.

All for now.

outspoken hearts, restless as sharks.

Even as we get older
We can do it all over.
Make our own plans and score the music to our own lives.
Looking into the future,
There is more room to move here.
Invincible as we score the music to our own lives.

all together now.

Today is my 11 months with my boyfriend. Happy.

i'm open.

I just got followed home. Scary.

okay, GO!

Quick update:

Devil's night was SO much fun, I wish every night was just like that!

Halloween on the other hand was not.. I worked then went home with my boy.

I got my computer to work today by just turning it on randomly so I'm very excited! I hope it works everyday.

I now have red hair and I LOVE IT! I think I found my perfect color, now It just needs to grow faster!

Ahhh, love life. Ps. Someone give me free $$$cash$$$. Thankssss.

positive.

It's been 20 days or more since I wrote. Computers still broken. I haven't had the time to fix it. I could buy a new one but I don't want to waste the money on something I don't need or use that much. Not too much has changed. Got some hours at work the last 2 weeks, which is nice. Halloween is this weekend and there is absolutely nothing to do. I wish I had more friends to go out with! It's hard when everyone lives far and neither of us want to travel. Plus, I do have plans with Kayla but i'm just not sure what those plans are. I have to work all of Halloween too so it sucks making plans when i'm not that available. Things with my boy are good, as usual. My car still sucks but when I think about it, I love it so I shouldn't be so negative. I'm trying this new thing called 'being positive' haha, I think it might work for the better. As for everything else, my life remains the same. I wish I could write more often, it would be nice to get feelings out and not just what's going on in my life. I need to prioritize so my computer can get fixed!

been dying to reach you.

I am happy, to say the least. I hope everything stays perfectly, right here. All the worry that I had went away and I feel good. I spent the weekend in Guelph with my friends and actually got to drink and party. It was great to get away even though when you're back it feels like you never left. Funny how that happens. I am still looking for a second job, and still worried about the little things, but I have everything under control and I like it this way. Tonight is laundry night and then the weekend begins. I will be missing Thanksgiving dinner due to the only shift at work I have this week but you gotta do what you gotta do so left overs sound good to me. Lately I have been thinking about school for next year but I still don't really know what I want to do. I think I will take some time to really look into courses sometime in the next few months.

fitting in.

I'm back. It has been almost a month, which to me I thought I last wrote in like August! My computer is broken right now so I have to work on getting that sorted out. I have been so sad about everything lately. I cannot seem to have anything work out properly for myself. I feel like I try so hard and I get nothing. My boyfriend on the other hand is my absolute favorite person in the world. I feel like we're just best friends in love and that we are perfect in every way. He really helps me get through my shitty times and I love him for it. I know I should be writing a lot more then I am because it's been so long, but I have a lot to do. I'll try harder to keep updates.

It has to be this way.

It has been quite sometime since I was last here. I finally found some time to sit down and really think, even though its midnight. I have been so busy with everything I guess I forgot about this. I would really like it if I could remember to blog more often but I think I will be able to now that things are all in order. I got both my jobs figured out with the days I work at each of them. It does mean that I work 7 days a week now. I am just going to be working mornings but it works out great because Jon is now back at school and it's not like he has a busy schedule at all but we will be seeing less of each other. I am actually looking forward to the time apart and how I get to see my favorite people more often. It's just the first day of school today and I got to see my two best friends. Summer I guess, was all about him and I thought it was great and everything but I miss winter. I feel like I had so much more fun and we went on so many different adventures and stuff. I really can't wait for Christmas break! I think we really ended the summer great though. Everyone got together, we pulled an all nighter with a great adventure and we got MacDonald's breakfast to end the morning. I love everything that's going on and I am hopefully moving closer and closer to the next part of my life that is going to make me even happier. For now i'm going to keep it a secret! Anyways, I now have officially started my 3/4 sleeve, which i'm not sure if the last post mentioned or not but it's beautiful and I can't wait for it to be finished. Anyways, I think it's time to get some sleep before another day at work.

welcome to the good life.

I feel like it's been forever since I've been here. Of course my internet broke and I had to wait almost 3 weeks for it to return. Lately everything has been really fun and funny and full of love. Everyday is a new adventure and I always feel so happy. I am trying to get everything figured out in my financial life as usual. I have two jobs now and will be working 15 hour days for about two weeks give or take. After all that mess I'll be working about 88 hours in a pay period at my new job and just 2-3 days at good ol' Sev Lev. I cannot wait to have tons of money so I can get me some new wheels! I am also stoked on my new tatt! My 3/4 sleeve is coming along amazing and everyone loves it! I'll have to wait awhile for more to be added but I don't mind at all. Gahhh I just love everything! : )

sometimes you get the best of me.

So, it's been awhile. A few things have happened but never the less, life is the same. Back to work again tomorrow for two more days, then I get 3 much needed days off. I am starting to feel a lot better with everything going on. I feel a lot more open and accepting and less of a 'bitch' I guess to say the least. I really do feel the difference of everything with my change and it actually is awesome. I do feel a little shitty about money situations right now. I do have enough for like the regular stuff and extra actually but i'm really trying to focus on a new car and it's not very easy. My mom wants me to pay her to live here which I cannot afford. I don't think it's fair at all since i'm never here, there is never food and I don't even have a bedroom. I get really mad being at 'home' I guess. I am really looking forward to this weekend though. I am spending all of it with my boy and all the friends. We'll probably do a lot of fun stuff and stay out forever since we usually do. Monday we have planned to go to Toronto. I'm not sure with who yet but it really doesn't matter to me. In a way I wish summer could last forever so I could just make tons of money and see everyone all the time but it's pretty much over and I hate it. I'm really sad that hardly anything was accomplished on my Summer List. I guess I should have actually put stuff I knew was going to happen. I'm going to post it so you can see the disappointment...

Ps. I improvised a lot for obvious reasons.

1. Go to the beach everyday for a week

2. Sunday Fundays as many Sunday's as possible

3. Get dark! X

4. Road trip to Québec .. Went to Pelee Island instead X

5. Play Frisbee X

6. Make a Summer playlist

7. Have bonfires X

8. Go camping

9. Skip rocks X

10. Fly a kite X

11. Go to Mitch's house in Stratford .. He came here instead! X

12. Drive Nick's jeep to the beach

13. Go to Avondale Dairy Bars X

14. Build a sandcastle

15. Have a 'beach day' X

16. Go to the Gorge and watch the sunset .. Not gorge but I did it X

17. Go to the Gorge and watch the sunrise .. Same as above X

18. Re-attempt Nick and Jon's birthday party

19. Fund raise to get me a new tattoo .. 3 months no drinking X

20. Walk everywhere X

21. Go on the Maid of the Mist (Jon's never been) X

22. Fall asleep outside

23. Build a tire swing

24. Go skinny dipping

25. Have a Toronto day trip X

26. Go to Warp Tour .. Scene Fest instead X

27. Have a lazy day X

28. Make smores X

29. Read a book

30. Go to Canal Days for the fire works X

31. Video tape a whole day

32. Draw a giant picture with all our friends X

33. Try to convince Jon's parents to get a Doberman puppy

34. Go fishing

35. Play beach volleyball

36. Eat corn on the cob for a week

37. Invent something

38. Jump on a trampoline

39. Go floating on Chippawa Creek X

40. Drink all day (Kool Aid for Jon)

41. Ride bikes

42. Go to some of Jon's ball hockey games X

43. Hit up the drive in X

44. Buy Jean a Birthday cake! X

45. Swim in the Ocean

46. Go to a farm

47. Go to the Circus

48. Movie Marathon

49. A whole day without cell phones X

50. Fall in Love. X

abandoned and forgotten.

I hate everything and everyone right now. Fuck off.

try and rewind.

You are lame. Think before you type! ; )

the little things.

I am so confused. I hate being confused. Everything seems harder and I guess I just can't find the right words to explain anything right now. I want things differently but the same too. I want to be happier and smile about everything. I want less arguments and more hugs. I want a lot but it's not always going to come so fast. I know I have to help too. I sound so selfish sometimes but i'm not, at all. There's always the other side of things, and the other side wants their own things, and their own kind of happiness. I understand, but at the same time it's easier said then done. I wish it was as easy as it sounds, but nothing comes easy when it comes to this. Things only stay one way for a certain amount of time, and you think everything is golden but of course you end up back to the same routine. I'll figure this out eventually.

tattoos!

L♥VE!!

pointless boredom.

This is going to be majorly personal, you ready?
Sure

Are you afraid of losing a boy/girl ?
For sure

Are you happier now than you were five months ago?
Some days, really depends

Who's your favorite band right now?
I'm not really sure, I change what I want to listen to every day

Have you ever slept in the same bed with anyone?
Almost everyday. : )

Do you drink engery drinks?
Hate them

Can you sleep in total darkness?
Only that way, any lights bother me.

Any tattoos?
10!

Do you trust easily?
Not anymore. I trust one person with everything.

Are you one of those people who just doesn't care?
Yes forsure.

Has anyone ever sang to you?
Yep

Would you rather not eat or not sleep?
Not sleep, waste of time.

Is the last person you kissed mad at you?
Nope : )

What do you normally drink in the morning?
Anything.

Is there anybody that you trust 100%?
Yeah one person.

How is your relationship with your mother?
mehh

How hard is your life right now?
Money sucks, but when doesn't it?

Can you walk into a room full of strangers and maintain your confidence?
Not always.

Do you still draw with sidewalk chalk?
I haven't recently

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Noo

Well, have you had sex in the last 48 hours?
Mhmm

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?
Yepp

Romantic night or wild night?
Wild.

Where is your heart?
With my boy

Do you believe that all girls are the same?
I guess, but I don't know every girl.

Have you ever received an injury from a hook up?
Haha, no

Are you insecure?
Slightly.

You're single, why?
I am notttt

Did you drink any alcohol this week? Did you get drunk?
No and No

Do you like to cuddle?
With my beeeb

Are you doing anything tonight?
Working.

Has anyone ever hurt you?
Yep.

What is the last reason you cried?
Fighting..

Is it okay to like someone else when you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
No, dump your bf/gf

Do you think the last person you kissed likes you?
He loves me.

Do you love or hate straightning your hair?
I don't care

Do you own any band t-shirts?
Yep.

What are you looking forward to?
Sunday!

Have any pets?
A fishy named Fredrick

Have you ever been cheated on?
I wouldn't know if I did.

Have you ever fallen asleep in an opposite sex's bed?
Course!

Would you ever try being a vegetarian?
Fuck no.

Do you believe that there's always room in your heart for your first love?
Yes and no. I'll always know that he was my first love but I'll never think of him that way again.

Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all?
That is a dumb question..

Are you a one night stand or serious relationship type person?
Serious, I like long relationships.

Would you rather be in a relationship or play the field?
I just told you.

Do you like your bed?
I don't have one, but in this case I'll use Jonnys : ) I love it.

home sweet home.

It's nice to be back to reality even though vacation was better then I could ask for. It was exactly what all of us needed and the place fit us exactly. I have a lot to do this week, well that I was planning on doing. I have to work almost everyday now until the end of the summer, which is great for the most part. I also find myself being really happy. I am more then excited to see my boyfriend tonight. When i'm away from him I realize how much I need him and love him, and how I cannot wait to be in his arms and tell him stories. At the same time though, the distance brings us closer and we get to spend hours just sitting and talking to each other. I couldn't ask for anything better right about now.

more then happy.

Going on vacation with my two bestfriends all weekend! What more could I ask for? I am so happy and excited! I just want the weekend to start right now. Pelee Island, here we come!!

the beginning of the end.

I'm having a boring night so I might as well blog. I feel like it's a chore now but some people like to lurk so i'll give them something to do. I'm in a weird mood right now and I don't know what it is. I feel weird, and mad, and sad or something. I wish it was tomorrow, but I didnt have to sleep and it would just arrive. I'm supposed to get a tattoo tomorrow, which I will. I also want to shop but i might refrain due to brokeness and knowing that I shouldn't. Everything seems so out of reach right now. I feel like I can never acheive any goals and that I never have any money. I hate needing money all the time when I don't have it. I guess I could say I feel useless and poor and sad. I don't really know right now. I get in these stupid moods and then while i'm getting out of them I tell myself that I will do this and that and be a better person for myself, I guess. In the end I clearly don't and nothing changes. I just want tomorrow to come so I can be happy and work and enjoy everything. When it really comes down to it I should focus on what I need, not what I want. I need a new car to last me longer then months at a time. I need a bedroom so I can be happy going home and actually spend some time there. I need my best friends around more often, but we never have time for eachother. I need to compromise, listen and learn with my boyfriend; i love him more then anything but we have our up's and down's. But, the most important thing is I need to be happy more often. To just put my hate and my dumb feelings about everything aside and just have a better outlook on everything. I just need all this for me. Maybe this is the first stage of realizing what this is really all about. Good luck to me.

english muffin.

I have been so busy lately with everything going on. My cousin being here makes for no free time but I really love it. We have done almost everything together for the past week and he gets along with Jon and all my friends so I love taking him out! Today is 7 months for me and Jon which makes me super happy! Today I have to work, which I do everyday anyways but I might take my cousin to get a tattoo before that. I don't even really have much time to be doing this but I thought I might update quickly and get into details later. All in all everything is going great and I hope it continues!

chop me up, leave me be.

I am just lol-ing at everything today... Ha!

Ps. Cousin is officially in Canada! Excited to meet him and spend the next two weeks together! For now, I work the next three days. Got to love getting Friday and Saturday off though!

save me, baby.

I am so glad I picked the friends I did. See ya, everyone else.

the tension and terror.

All the boys voices cracking
Oh, the moaning half tones
Come summertime, we're all the same age here
All the tension and the terror
Thin-limbed gorgeous green eyes smiling
And I'm going straight to hell

All the possibility and promise just weighs on me so heavily

And I try but I'm not convincing
Your lips, they pout and twist
And I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you
You take in everything with a certainty I envy
It's somehow all I need
Just keep me guessing please

Darling, all of these awkward jump start-stalling conversations
Mean much more to me than anything
It comes down to me and you
And whether we're supposed to or not, we still will
We're so much better off than them

All the possibility and promise just weighs on me so heavily

A look
A laugh
A smile
A second passes by and I regret it
words just aren't right
Sometimes I just can't explain
All the ways you devastate me
Always on my mind

chyeah!

Somebody got bangs! They need a lot of getting used to, that's for sure. Even though I've had them more then 10 times in my life. Haha!

death.

Okay, so can I stop being sick now?

shine for me.

This is post 160. I have come a long way in blogger world. To me that sounds like such a small number but that is a lot of writing that I have done. I feel like it helps me a lot when i'm pissed about something or just bored and want to tell everyone some random shit. I really like being able to have something that I am into, like a hobby... I never had a hobby before! Anyways everything has been pretty much the same in the last few days. The weekends over and I work everyday this week. Scene Fest '10 was a lot of fun with a lot of awesome people. It of course got rained out like it does every year but we still walked around and got soaked, which was fun. I've been sick for over 5 days now and it's killing me. I haven't had time to go to the doctors yet and I have no idea when I will. Everyday I just hope that it gets better but it usually doesn't. .. And just for the record, Buckley's tastes awful, and does not work! I had to do it today, that's how much I was fed up with being sick and it didn't even help, such a waste!

say it like you mean it.

Okay, so quick review:

- New tattoo, but you already know that

- Finished the 3 months no drinking bet

- I drank a few times, but I don't want to be a drunk anymore

- Been sick a lot lately and work hates me

- Making more money but spending it way too fast

- Got in a car accident but luckily I paid the bitch off so she wouldn't call the cops

- I have 3 or 4 close friends and I like it a lot better that way

- Jon is now considered my best friend, and I am so happy with him

- Need a new car more then ever now

If I forget anything i'll let you know. Sorry I never blog, working full time and trying to see my friends as much as I can.

summer skin.

This is the picture I posted to Facebook so I assumed I didn't have to repost here.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4424130&id=520636607

Oh, the love I have.

Ps. Finally got together with my two best friends tonight. I had quite a good day! I work legit full time starting tomorrow I guess. Bring on the money!

spread my wings and soar.

So, the obsession continued this afternoon when I got a new tattoo on my arm! It's so weird having one there, I really have to get used to it! I am so in love with it though, and it turned out exactly how I had it in my head. Right now it's wrapped so I should have a picture up tomorrow. Yayy!

need I say more?

I hate this. Bye.

i'd kill to fall asleep.

I went for a trip to an 'old friends' house today. It was nice to know that we no longer have anything against each and we can just talk about anything without all the awkwardness. I am happy for him and I know he is happy for me and who I am now. I just like knowing we consider each other friends more then anything else, it makes things a lot easier. I know that i'll hardly see him but I just like the feeling. Being there also made me realize how much I love where I am now. I love my boyfriend and the friends that I have. Going through that experience put me in the exact place I want to be with the right people that make everything worth it. Sometimes it sucks that you have to go through something to get where you want to be but I don't regret it at all because what I learned was exactly what I needed for where I ended up.

shake.

I feel better today after hanging out with Emily and then soon picking up Beth. I really need them after having a shitty day, they just help so much. Happy 6 months yesterday to me and my boy. I'm glad we've lasted half a year so far and i'm sure there will be many months to come. I really love him with everything I have.

I have something I want to do today but i'm not sure that it's going to work out like I planned it to. I guess that's life though, right. I'm starting to get more shifts at work and making more money so i'm really happy with that. I would really love another job but maybe not right now.

brief.

Headache day number 4, great. By the way it is so foggy out. I hope tomorrow is nice so maybe I can hit up the beach? My tan is fading and i'm hating it! I do have a new hair cut and darker hair though!

hear me out.

I only want you.

lol.

I admit I can be quite immature when it comes to blogging when i'm mad. I don't care when people say about me but when it comes to my relationship I get pretty pissed. No one has a right to say shit about us unless you are around one of us to know all the things that go on, or you hangout with the both of us together, you really have no idea who we are as a couple. There is also the point that when we are alone we are different. No one will ever know what someone and there bf/gf are like when it's just them. I think we do very well together. Yes we fight, but it happens and we talk it out after we're done being mad. I tried to be friends with you, I really did. Your choice whether to believe it or not. I am still the exact same person with or without him and all my friends know that. I guess i'm not sure what i'm trying to prove anymore because I shouldn't have to prove myself to anyone but whatever.

we are forever.

Stay the fuck out of my life and stop talking shit. You don't know anything about who I am and what I do. What ever you say isn't going to change anything so I don't know why you waste your time.

been there, done that.

Love my friends,

Miss a few,

In love with my boyfriend more and more each day,

Happy,

Tanned,

& about to die on my way to Hamilton in this rain storm!

I need you, but only for a minute.

Today should be a good day! Friends, boyfriend, and doing some fun stuff. The beach has been really good the last 4 days I have been going. Today is a cooler day so I decided not to go. I have been pretty happy with everything but work lately so I think i'm doing okay. A few people are kind of getting under my skin but i'm trying not to let it bother me too much. I feel like a could eat ice cream all day, everyday because of the heat and of course how delicious it is! I am not going out this weekend because I feel like it's always the same shit. Everyone gets drunk, I drive, we chill at a bar, I loose everyone because they're out chasing boys, and then I want to leave early because i'm bored. I think I need a new bar experience, like something to make it more fun!

I have crossed off a few more things off my Summer List but I don't have any pictures to post. Like I promised before, I will post what I have done soon. Maybe it's because it's Summer, I don't like to blog much, but I guess it could be because i'm really not home a lot to sit down and write. Right now i'm waiting for Jon to get off work so I can go over to his place. My friends are kind of upset i'm not coming out tonight when I said I was but sometimes plans change. I feel like they only need me to be the driver anyways and that's why i'm invited sometimes. They have no problem paying me so I always am more then fine with it. I always get writers block when I start writing and it makes me mad because I know I had tons of stuff to say. I really hope I get some money soon. I am craving a new tattoo and would love to start and finish my half sleeve this summer!

go with the flow.

So, I don't feel like I write much. I have been really busy since the weather has been so nice. I am out tanning or at the beach almost everyday. I have also crossed out a few more things on my summer list but I will tell you all about it when I actually have time! I only came on to write tonight because I am sitting alone at home just relaxing. Let me tell you that I have a real good tan already and i'll be black in no time. I am really enjoying summer! I think it's going to be great.

livin' life without care.

Saturday was month number 2 of no drinking! I am so proud of myself. I most likely won't drink for a long time. I didn't do too much this weekend. Hung out with the usual people and did the usual going out/staying in stuff. Tonight I went to My Cottage because even though it's Sunday, it's the long weekend and everyone goes out. It was a decent time and the hot dog at the end made my night! My boy and his friends were there which is nice because we never go to bars and stuff together. It is supposed to be super hot all week! I am really looking forward to because I have this whole week off to get my tan on and then it's back to work. I have a few more shifts then usual, but still not full time. I want to look for another job this week as well, so I hope I find some places hiring. Well, it's about 3:30am so I should be heading to bed to be up early for the beach. Ttfn.

number 10.

Today has been such a great day so far. I was with Beth and Emily all day which is always the best because they are my two best friends. We always do the cutest things when the three of us are together! We went to the beach at noon and it was nice but super windy, so about after an hour and a bit we headed back to Emily's. She mentioned she had a kite and it's number 10 on my summer list so we decided to fly it! It was a lot of fun and we got to tan more in the park. Tonight is the girls night and so far the plan is to go for a little adventure around town and just walk a bunch of places! I think it will be super cute and fun! This makes summer so exciting and today is such a good, solid fun day in a while.

Ps. Yes, this is a Strawberry Shortcake kite. We are cute.

love is something you work at.

Well you stole my heart
And I'll get it back
But look me in the eye babe
Tell me why ya gonna love me like that
Why ya gonna love me like that

Well I've walked this world
Five times or more
And after all this walking babe
You still got me crawlin on the floor
crawlin on the floor
And I know this world keeps on turning
Keeps me yearning

How can you turn and walk away
Pretending everythings okay?
How can you turn your back?
Tell me why ya gonna love me like that
why ya gonna love me like that?

Well I thought you'd listen
But I'm shattered like broken glass
Well I thought that we'd be different babe
Yeah, I thought that we would last
I thought that we would last
And I know this world keeps on spinning
Every minute that you're in it

Love me or leave me baby but don't lead me on
With loving like yours believe me i'm better off
I"m better off alone
Well I was your gypsy
Throwing diamonds at your feet
Drifted round you like a satellite
Gave you everything you need
Everything you need
And I know this world keeps on turning
Keeps me yearning and yearning

How can you just break away
Why can't you find the words to say
Love is something you work at
Tell me why ya gonna love me like that
Why ya gonna love me like that
How can you throw us away
Look at what you lost today
Now everything is shades of gray
And now you're pushing me away
Say all the things you want to say
Thought we were going all the way
Play all the games you wanna play
Slowly we just fade away

- I love her.

ease up.

Worst day of my life. I feel sad, mad, sick and worthless. I never thought you could make me feel like this. Just because I say one thing doesn't mean i'm being completely serious. Thanks for running away once again. I don't even know what to say or do because I feel like i'm just headed for failure.

This made me feel better for a minute. It reminds me of you. -

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love

stoked on summer.

Today I hit the beach for the first time. It was cold at first because we went at about 1130am but it warmed up quick. I didn't think I got much of a tan or anything until I showered and found out I burned. I don't mind though because it's just a burn that will turn into a tan in 2 or 3 days! I am really stoked on going to the beach lots this summer. At the same time though, working and making money is much more important to me so I don't know if I will make it too often! I'm sure once everyone gets their work hours figured out it will be easy to schedule some beach days. Ttfn though, I have to eat and meet up with my boy and then possibly hang with my long lost best friend.

lol?

This made me laugh. Only because I work here.

boring day.

I am having the most boring day! Went tanning when I woke up and just chilled with Beth for a little and gossiped. I won't be doing anything tonight and most likely nothing exciting tomorrow unless it's nice out and I get to tan. I need a hobby, maybe I should start going to the gym or something? I am the laziest for that though, so who knows. When I am home alone I tend to over think a lot of stuff and get mad and then even more mad because I'm by myself. Ahh well, nothing I can do about it when everyone is busy.

built for speed.

This week we are apparently having awesome weather. A few of us talked about going to the beach but i'm not sure when. Jon is working all week so I wont see him much but that means more time with my girls. During the next two weeks I have no shifts at work. I was told full time starts after that which is great because I really need all the money I can get. I have a really good plan set for this summer and I want to stick to it. I know I will regret it if I don't. For now I am going to work on my tan and hope for the best.

in between it all.

I don't know what you want from me. First you're rude and now you're trying to be 'good friends'. I have no intention of being in your life, even though I once did. It is so awkward seeing you and talking to you. When I look at you I can't even remember who you are, or used to be. I just get the feeling from you that you want me back in your life and i'm sorry but that is never, ever going to happen. I wish you would understand when I tell you I don't want to talk, but you just think I'm being a bitch. I could care less about you and I want you to try and keep your distance.

right here with my friends.

I know who my real friends are and thats all I need. Thank the rest of you for helping me figure that out. We are all mature enough to know who we need in our life and who we could care less about. I suggest all of you do the same and stop the bullshit.

cutie.

Fits my boyfriend very well. I think it's a perfect resemblance.

I'm so damn artsy.

these miles have torn us worlds apart.

My life in a nut shell;

- Still job hunting

- Getting lazier each day I don't work

- Working at which ever 7-Eleven needs me

- Broker then ever

- In debt

- Sad when I have to be alone

- Hating the weather and being without a tan

- Still in love

- Missing my best friends

- Liking not drinking

- Wishing I exercised

- Wanting more tattoos, obviously

- Needing my hair dyed.

- Some people are getting on my nerves lately

- Thinking a few things need to change.

i'm thinking..

let's not pretend you're alone tonight.

I got my tattoo yesterday and it defiantly went well! It wasn't as painful as the last time and it went by really quick. I love it and it looks great with the other foot. I want to post a picture when they are the same tone because it has some fading to do. I never went out tonight because my foot was to sore to do much of anything. I was supposed to work tonight as well and I called in, which ended up being a big deal; whatever.

Last night didn't end up well but I liked the turnout after, if that makes sense to you. But, let me tell you; if you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are having problems with anything, you really shouldn't be yelling and arguing. It is so much easier to just sit and talk everything out, listen what each other has to say and try to compromise. Arguing gets you no where and everyone ends up angry and hating each other. That is just my opinion, but it works for me.

Anyways, tonight I am back home doing nothing after being at Tess' all day. It sucks not sleeping at Jon's sometimes but we've been taking a break from sleepovers this week. I don't mind because I still get to see him. I am obsessed with him, and he probably loves it but I don't want any of my friends or his friends mad that they never see us. They haven't said anything that I know of, which is great! I think I spend equal amount of time with everyone and so does he. I talk about him way too much, haha. I think i'm going to try and sleep at a decent time tonight seeing as its already 1:40am. Ttfn.

tangled up in my big sunglasses.

Drive inn tonight was awesome! I can't wait to go more this summer, but with a lot more people too. I got to cross another thing off my Summer List which makes me really happy. I try to at least do one thing a day if I have time for it, but there is a lot of things that are time consuming. It's really going to be a lot of fun when we start getting into it.

Tomorrow is my tattoo appointment, which i'm defiantly stoked about. I also took a shift at another 7-Eleven in St. Catherines so I can get some extra money seeing as I get one shift a week. So, this means I now work 5-11 and then I think I am meeting Jon and his friends at Boston Pizza in the falls for someones birthday. I hope it turns out to be a decent day and my shift goes fast so I can have some fun.

get in, get up.

It's been quite awhile. I guess I've done quite a bit in the almost week it's been since my last post. Yesterday I finally printed out my Summer List! I got to cross out number 50 first because like I posted about it before, I have accomplished falling in love. Today Jon and I took a trip to Avondale Dairy Bars to cross out number 13 on the list. Jon has never been and I think he liked it so I hope there will be many more trips there. When I read the list it seems like I'll never get anything done, but a lot of them are really easy so I hope I do. Jon's excited for them too, so that helps! I also hope a lot of my friends and his friends become apart of the fun, I would really like that.

A bunch of us went to go see the new Nightmare On Elm Street and it was absolutely horrible. I am the biggest baby when it comes to scary movies and I jumped once or twice. There is a difference from jumpy and scary though. This movie had the worst acting, effects and story line. I defiantly don't recommend seeing it at all! I had a really fun weekend going to Baracuda with a bunch of friends. I'll probably go there more often now that I know it's fun. I'm not sure if I want to go out this weekend though. I'm supposed to hit up My Cottage if it's nice out. I heard it's a lot of fun, so if everyone is going then i'm down for sure. It was the nicest out today that it will be all week, which is kind of upsetting because we were supposed to hit the beach. We never ended up making for sure plans to go because we heard it would rain all day, but then only did tonight. Thunder storms rule! I know I've posted about them before too! They make me happy even though it ruins the nice warm sun. The drive home from Jon`s tonight in the rain wasn`t very enjoyable though because it was crazy down pouring and foggy.

I`m not sure how sleeping on my couch will be for the first time in what seems like forever. I haven`t even attempted to lay down yet and I miss Jon`s bed, and him already. Waking up to him is the best. Whoever wakes up first usually kisses the other one and then we say good morning and it makes me smile, mostly because he is up kissing me first! Well, I think i`m going to try and get some sleep. Night.

Ps! I am so excited for Friday! Feet tattoo's finally get finished!!!

come with me, i'll show you the way.

Stupidest day. Legit.

love through blog post's.

Boyfriend; You are the most amazing person I've ever met. You make me smile, laugh and surprise me every time. I love the way you kiss me, hold me and love me. I know that you would do everything and anything for me and I hope you know I wouldn't think twice about doing the same for you. I like that we are exactly the same because we get along a lot better that way, and we giggle about the stupidest things. It's cute that we have so many things that we share together and remind us of each other when we're apart. I love our good nights and good mornings, they always make me smile. You go out of your way for not only me, but for everyone else which is beyond great because everything you do, you're the greatest at. Even when we argue, we can't stay mad long because we know how much we mean to each other and how stupid it is. I love all of your friends, and how we get to see them all the time and have the funnest adventures. I know we don't spend much time together, just us, but it's nice when we do because it feels great to steal you away. It makes me happy that we have been so comfortable with each other from the start. I want you to know that I can't see myself without you in my life, because you are my life. I miss you every time i'm without you, and think about you every second of everyday. Nothing, nor no one, could ever compare to a person like you. Thanks for being you, every day, all day. I love you so much, forever. I do. You're mine.

Love your's ; Lettuce, the only girl for you.

♥ oxxxo ♥

yeah, you got me.

Fun weekend ahead? I think so!

slow down, right now.

Tonight I'm going to have a sleepover with Tess, since last time it didn't work out. We're going out for dinner too! It will easier to see my boy in the morning as soon as he's done his exam. I can't wait. We're going to have a really good day, just us two because it has been a whole week without him. I will see him tonight briefly for his ball hockey game, but to me it's such a tease. I baked him some cookies yesterday so I hope he enjoys them!

I guess that's all for right now, I have to drive the long drive to Tess' in a minute. TTFN!

Ps. I need a new job! Help?

fuck.

I want my boyfriend !!!!!! NOW! : (

imy.

Ps! He is so fucking cute.

Who else's boyfriend emails them a really adorable picture telling them they love them?

MINE! <3

only time will tell.

I don't want to be wrong but I can't always be right. I don't think the truth or what I did was wrong, but was it right? It's so hard to work things out sometimes. Everyone always feels like what they say is better and obviously fights don't end until an agreement is made. I know how this works, I've clearly done this before and I hate it. I don't want to be the one to give in first. I did last time and I usually don't. I guess i'm pretty stubborn when it comes to this stuff.

Anyways, I also don't trust a certain person right now. I don't know what it is but if I am told by someone close to me to watch out for them, then obviously I will take their word for it. I hear a lot of stuff from people about what they've done to other people and who they have hurt. I feel like this person is very two faced and plays acts for everyone. I am a girl so obviously I see this first hand. I know how to be like they are, and i'm sure I've done all the same things. Either way, i'm not scared of them or what they think of me because I know who I want in my life. Maybe right now i'll have to play nice and see where this leads. Maybe things will change and I will grow to trust them.

chit chat.

Beth wanted everyone to know that we are sitting here waiting for the night to start and that I am eating random limes and she is doing shots. Kara is also here drinking her beer. I hope tonight is decent. So far we know we are bar hopping!

Anyways the reason why I came on here was to post this:

It doesn't matter where you go in life, what you do or how much you have. It's who you have beside you you that matters, & i'm so glad I have you; ♥ for all those people who matter most.

keep me running.

The last two days I decided to actually spend money on shopping. I never ever do, so it was much needed. I got some great stuff and I'm happy with all of it. I still need things off of my list that I had posted awhile ago but that's okay for now because I feel better. Shopping can always make me feel better, and i'm sure every other girl. It could be a bad thing if you're sad all the time though! Anyways, I am mad at my mom for forgetting that I need to survive everyday life with food. There is absolutely no longer anything edible in my house, because I ate it all of course. She is never here, she never calls, and she never asks if I need anything. She expects me to pay for everything myself, which I can't right now with my lame two shifts a week. I need a new job now, and I need to move out!

reality is just around the corner.

I hope this weekend is fun! All the girls are supposed to get together Saturday for sure and possibly even Friday too. I have yet to be told what the plan is but probably pre-drinks somewhere, like usual then out to dance/bars. I really hope i'm in the mood to go because I usually don't really care to go out. Today happens to be the first official month into my non-drinking bet. One month down, two to go! I'm sure Jon is proud of me! I am pretty proud of myself too because I've had so many opportunities to drink and so many offers for free drinks when i'm out. I don't feel any better and I don't feel any worse, but I guess that's because I wasn't really big on drinking in the first place.

I think i'm quite satisfied with everything right now except for money. I still have a lot to pay off and a lot to save if I want to have a nice place with Beth by the end of the summer. I am hoping all the money I make this summer will just be profit and that way i'll only spend money on bills and cheap things here and there. I at least have to promise myself that's what i'll do. If that doesn't work i'll have to get someone to hold on to my money just in case I get a little crazy. I mean, I need more tattoos and a few things for summer right? Plus, I have a very large Summer List to accomplish with my boy and all my friends. Haha!

so satisfied.

They turned out better then I could imagine. The top picture shows the teacup done because the teapot still looks like the bottom picture. I made another appointment in two weeks to get it all done. I am so excited because I think they look so pretty! I'm also happy because Beth and Emily love them too and that's all that matters because that's who they are for.

& it wouldn't matter anyways.

I feel like I never blog anymore. I don't know why because I do almost every time I am home and on my laptop. I also feel like I have so much to say, but when I get to starting a new post, I get writers block!

Anyways, tomorrow is Tuesday! I get my tattoo done at 2pm! I am sooo excited and I know it's going to hurt but i'm pretty tough when it comes to tattoos. I will post a picture after. It's only going to be the outline which sucks because I've never done a two part tattoo before other then touch ups. I'm going to hate the waiting in between to get it all finished up, i'm so impatient.

After that, i'm heading to Welland to hangout with Tess. We're having a sleepover which is pretty exciting because I don't think I've had one in a really long time with anyone but Jon. Which reminds me; I miss him! It's been like 5 hours but I won't see him this week because of homework and studying! I don't mind because after these next two weeks it's summer and he is all mine! This summer is going to be so much fun! I can't wait until the weather is nice all the time and I get to wear shorts and a bathing suit everywhere. I also think summer is my favorite because I get to show off all my tattoos since almost all of them are hidden!

Well, it's 3am so I better get to bed! Cyuhhh.

move a little faster, talk a little louder.

I just got off work not too long ago. It's nice to sit down finally and just do nothing until I meet up for my plans later. I'm going out with Max and Cam tonight which makes me so happy because I haven't had time to in what seems like forever! We are going to Boston Pizza so it will be a nice chill night. I went there last night too with Beth, Robyn and Aly. It was such a funny night. After being there until around 1am we headed to Pepper Mints! It was the weirdest thing ever, and I want to bring all my friends who haven't been because it just makes you laugh so much! Tomorrow I work again until 4pm, then stealing my boyfriend again!

Ttfn.

Ps. Cherie; I know your reading this, so message Jonny and we will plan something!! lol <3

now it's real.

By the way; updating you on ADTR show from Wednesday.

My camera died right before we went in, of course. I only got a few decent pictures with my Blackberry but they are kind of pointless to post. It was a lot of fun, minus all the pushing and how I never actually seen the bands play. I would defiantly do it again for sure though. I'm glad it made my boy's life to see his favorite band with his favorite people!

let's not fake it.

I hate being in a shitty mood over nothing. Thank you for that.

here comes the rain.

Tonight is going to be so much fun! I can't wait to have yet another double date day with Nick and Tess. We're going to see A Day To Remember, Enter Shikari, August Burns Red and one more band I believe. We're hoping to leave around 2pm so we can spend some time in Toronto before the show. I'll post some cool pictures later!!

you have no idea...

...how closely I wrapped myself around your heart. ♥

hiiii!

He is so attractive, I don't care what anyone says.

they just want to see me fall.

This weekend was enjoyable. I liked who we hung out with and what we did was pretty fun. I learned that 'onezie day' isn't really our thing. I'm sad because I was looking forward to it and I guess it just wasn't what I expected. I think more planning has to go into it, maybe? I don't know, but I hope the next one works out!

Only two days until the big show! Jonny is so excited. I'm actually really excited too though. I think it will be a cute double date day with Nick and Tess too. Wednesday will just be awesome in general. I was sad because I booked my next tattoo on that day so I had to reschedule to the following Tuesday. I'm excited for that as well! I love getting new tattoo's because it's something new I get to admire on myself until I get my next one. I think it's going to be one of the most painful for sure because it's on both of my feet. Everyone says thats a sore spot so I know what to expect.

I think i'm going to try and look nice today, just for no reason. I never care how I look, plus I have about five hours to do nothing, so why not? I hope my boy enjoys. I might post a picture later for the hell of it.

Keira.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

sweep me off my feet again.

Well, today has been quite uneventful. I hope tomorrow is much better. I'm sure it will be because I get to see everyone and watch my boy's ball hockey game. I really just can't wait to hug and kiss my babe. I'm such a sucker when it comes to him being around, I just can't help it. The rain the last two days has been nice actually. I like when there is thunderstorms so I can just sit outside and watch the lightning and listen to all the thunder and rain; It's so peaceful. When I have a house of my own, having a porch to sit on and watch the world will be the highlight of my life. I love the simple little things that can make a person happy. It makes me smile hearing what can make a persons day because sometimes it's nothing at all and you can wonder how they love it so much, but thats just their way of living; and it rules!

i'll wait right here, all night for you.

I love going for drives. I don't know what I would do with out my car. It is seriously so nice to be able to have something I don't have to share for once. Going for long drives and just singing insanely loud just makes me the happiest person alive. It's something only me and Cecil share and I like it. I hate being alone anywhere else but my car for some reason. The things that go through my head when I drive feels so nice. Even when i'm upset, driving always puts a brighter side to everything for me and I love that. I can even ball my eyes out in my car and no one would know. It's the perfect place for me, and I would die without it. If I ever get a new car I will be so sad because even though it's only been 7 months with him, it feels like forever and I would never forget all the love he brought me. I am so happy right now!

I'm such a nerd. : )

..And I love my boyfriend.

hello nice weather.

For summer, I need a few things! Here we go:

1. Beach hat

2. New bathing suits, one strapless for sure. From Victoria Secret

3. A pre-tan, trying to work on that while the weather is nice randomly right now

4. Lots of tank tops

5. Shorts, maybe 2 new pairs

6. One more pair of sunglasses

7. Cute beach dresses

8. Hair dyed because it fades so fast in the sun

9. Beach towel/blanket because i'm always there

10. Large beach bag that is sand proof!

Ps. I have a huge Iced Coffee obsession, and I will have it all summer.

see you later.

Some people just keep getting on my nerves. Seriously, just deal with your own problems and stop worrying about mine.

Okay, great.

backwards.

I had a heart-to-heart with my boy tonight. I cried. It made me upset and still does typing about it. I just want everything to be back to normal. No more sad, no more fighting. I just need time alone with him and I think I will feel so much better. I actually still can't believe we haven't had a whole day alone in the 4 months we've been together, and how I haven't noticed until now. I just want to go cuddle and fall asleep with him and forget about it.

you should probably cover your eyes now.

I hate everything all at once, at this very moment and nothing nor no one is helping. I haven't ate anything real in two days and I constantly feel like throwing up. Cool.

it's here for the taking.

Summer! I'm so absolutely stoked on this weather. It makes me so happy. Today I'm going to hopefully be tanning outside all day with Kara. The first day it was nice was Thursday. A bunch of us spent all day outside, it was awesome. I love being outside in anyway in this warmth. Even driving is more enjoyable. I am kind of hoping it's not amazing out tomorrow because I literally work all day, and i'm not looking forward to it.

Last night we had a girls night. It was nice because it was just six of us and we were all of age so we didn't have to worry about anyone getting rejected, which is usually the case. I personally hate bringing people who need fakes because I think it is really worth the wait until you're 19. The bars aren't really that special, and they are still going to be there when you actually are old enough to go. We all went to the pepper and it was kind of lame. No one was dancing but us and half the time we were trying to find everyone else. Then me, Kara and Sarah went outside because we thought we heard something about a fight and sure enough all the boys we went to school with were fighting I don't know who, about I don't know what. Right after that we left, got McDs (like usual) and went home to bed.

I am going out for Shannon's birthday next weekend too. I hope it's fun! I'm so sick of going out. Maybe I just have it in my head that going out sucks so I never have a good time. Whatever though, i'm an old lady.

all my islands have sunk.

I miss my boyfriend, just being mine. No one else's. I share him whenever i'm with him and I think I need to be selfish for just once and steal him for a whole day so it can just be us two. I smile just thinking about all the fun we can have! Stoked to plan this cute hangout.

so bored to death, you held your breath.

<3

I feel...

...unwanted.

take a breath, take a breath with me.

I feel you in my bones

You're knocking on my windows

Your're slow to letting me go

And I know this feeling oh-so

This feeling in my bones

win.

It is really funny setting your sister up with your best friend.

Agreed.

Ps. Alice in Wonderland 3D rules. Just sayin'.

perfection.

We are perfect. For each other, in every way. I feel like nothing could be better without him. He is my best friend, and makes my day everyday doing nothing at all. Even if I didn't see him for days, it would be okay because he always knows how to make me smile. I find everything about him cute, amazing and adorable. I wish I could kiss him and hold him all day long. I have an obsession with him but I know he feels the same about me so I think it's cute. I like how we can be a couple but also just act like friends and feel no different about each other. We joke about the stupidest things and I like being able to be myself. I seriously think this is better then perfect, I never want it to change. <3

could it get worse?

Yesterday I had THE worst day possible. Let me tell you what went wrong, in this order;

1. Me and Emily went for lunch and everything was cold and service was horrible.

2. When I paid for gas at the pump with my Visa the other day, it automatically charges you for $100 dollars so I had no money.

3. Emily had to pay for my lunch, I felt really bad.

4. We stopped at the Pen and when I got there I realized my tire was flat.

5. We took the bus to Brock so I could go to class with Emily until 9pm when Jon could pick me up.

6. We waited for CAA to come change my tire, which is the smallest tire in the world.

7. I almost ran out of gas, and I still have no money for the next couple days and no car until I get my tire fixed.

Fuck this, right?

new!

This is my new tattoo! Number 7! It's a shitty picture, I know. But there really isn't a better way to show it. Once it's healed it will be a lighter purple. The roman numerals stand for 8:28 which was the time I was born! : )

spin me around.

I still have a wicked cough from being sick, and it's the only thing I have left to get rid of. It seems that it gets worse every time I get to a new environment. As in, a friends house, my car, the mall and pretty much any where else. I should probably see someone about it but I really rather not. It's just a cough and it will go away soon.. I hope!

Facebook is being a piece of shit and refusing to let me upload pictures. I have attempted twice now and no success. Another thing about Facebook is that it is no longer fun to me. I barely use it for anything anymore and I always wait for people to message me. Lurking is no longer exciting!

This weekend was half decent. I had fun on our usual double dates, even though we never actually announce that they are. I just found out I have an 'X' on the side of my face, from the 'X' on my hand that I got from the show last night. I can't believe I haven't noticed all day!

I hung out with Emily tonight which was cute. We made the most amazing brownies and just cuddled up to the T.V. all night. A really nice relaxing time. Tomorrow i'm going to pick her up from school and go to the Pen because she has a 3 hour break, so i'm hoping I find something decent to wear Friday.

I'm sort of just rambling for the hell of it. My picture of my new tattoo will be up tomorrow! So stay tunned!

the look on your face could light up a room.

I have been planning to draw out my design for my foot tattoos but I haven't got around to it. Tonight I finally stayed up to do it and I think they turned out really well, almost exactly how I want them. I am now hoping that I can bring my drawings in and someone can make them perfect. I also still have to decide if I want to add any color; tough decision.

Today I got an apology message from Nick. I have been waiting for it for a week now. The only reason I waited so long to talk to him and actually kept a grudge was because he had no right to say any of the things he did to me and I wanted to prove that to him. His message made me so happy because I know he really meant it.

This weekend should be a good one! Tomorrow is Latin Night at the pub so a few of us are going there. Saturday I had a bunch of things planned but I am choosing to go to Jake's birthday party because it's his birthday and that only comes once a year, right? I feel bad because all my other plans were made before he asked but it only seems fair.

Oh, and I forgot to tell you; for the next 3 months I made a bet with Jon that I wouldn't drink. If I win, he buys me a new tattoo. I could not resist, you know my obsession! I think it will be good for me though. I don't usual do things like this and it's fun to believe in something for awhile. It might be tempting at times but I rarely drink so i'm sure I can handle that. He also said every 3 months I continue the bet, I get another tattoo. I wonder how long this will last if that's the case. When I think about that, I wonder if becoming Straight Edge would be better. Jon would certainly like that more, but I do enjoy drinking on some occasions. Like usual; I'll keep you posted.

I went to Value Village today with Beth and it turned out great. She got about 6 different things for only $20, and I got an amazing mug with the letter 'J' on it for $2. Success!

so cute.

I used to be creative and I actually drew a lot. I wish I still did. I don't have the same patience and creativeness I did when I was younger.

would it be okay, if I moved away?

I want to move away and I have so many opportunities to, but I know that leaving here would be so hard. It seems like I have everyone here I need and I don`t want to leave that behind. If I leave, when would I come back? There is just so much to think about, it is a huge decision. The main thing that is stopping me is my boy. Why would I want to leave him? He means so much to me and we would both be heart broken. I just don't know.

!!!!!

Home is when i'm with YOU.

i'm so sick of...

1. Arguing

2. People doing dumb shit

3. Girls

4. Being broke

5. Not having my own room

6. Headaches

7. The cold

8. Work

9. Trying

10. Everything going wrong

just for you.

allllllllllllllll mine

<3forever

-I love you sooooo much

last night.

Last night was different. I actually had quite a good time. I loved dancing all night for once and seeing all my friends I hadn't seen in a long time. I didn't really wear green but my spirit was still there. At the end of the night we got stranded for a couple hours, which sucked, but it made for a good adventure. We cuddled outside because it was cold and we attempted to walk home. That obviously didn't last long because we finally got a hold of a cab. $25 dollars later was definitely worth it. I made it home by 5am but I didn't mind, I would have stayed up until then anyways! I wish I was more into partying sometimes, but it never feels worth it to me. I hardly even drink anymore. I rather have a way to and from a bar, then getting wasted and something going wrong or not making it home. Drinking doesn't appeal to me, neither does the feeling of being drunk. Once I get there, I always want it gone. I am turning into an old lady sooner then I thought...

sup?

I am stoked on getting wasted and having a good time tomorrow. I haven't done that in a long time. So far i'm going to be with Jeff, Beth and possibly Randee. We will see where the night takes us.

favorite.

talk about it, talk about it.

I think I have a new outlook on girls. They have been so nice to me in the past week that I can't be so bitter about the ones I hate. I'll hate them in the back of my head and forget about it. I am a happy girl today; other then the shitty start to my morning where I was late to work because I forgot to change the clocks and only had a half hour to get ready. Then on my way I got a speeding ticket. Ftw. On another note, lets not grow up. I like everyone and everything how it is and I want to stay right here, being almost 20 and loving life. Why does everything need to keep changing. I only like change within myself. Everyone I love needs to live together and just stay awesome. Okay bye!

back the fuck up.

I hate girls who love drama and sloppy seconds x89396875.

That is all.

oh, the love I have for you.

♪♫♫♪♪♫

you regret what we've done, 'cause it had no meaning.

I don't know why I keep these thoughts in my head. They ruin hours of my life. I'm not sure if you understand, but it feels like my head could throw up from thought; like 'mind vomit'. I think about you every once in a while, but lately it's everyday. Not all day everyday, but at some point in time just something about you gets in there. I hate it, I loathe it. Either way it still never goes away. I wish I knew how to control things like this but it has to mean something from the way it sticks around, and how every thought is different. I feel hate towards you most days, some days it's just disgust, and rarely a happy time between us passes by and missing you comes into play. The question here still is why? I wish I knew. I hate actually expressing things about you when it comes to my blog, but blogging is supposed to clear my brain and that is what I am trying to do; rid you from my life. It feels wrong because you were my whole world for a long time but I can't say I know anything about you anymore. Everything about you is different. Back then you were easy and loving. Now, I wouldn't even know how to describe you. What ever you have been doing in the last two months, I do not agree with. I think you deserve so much more then this. You are a good person but not now, not lately. I wish you read this, to understand me, to know how I really feel about you, and how I am still here. I'm still the same girl you used to be in love with. The only difference is that I now love someone else. I want you to be happy for me, and I want to be friends. I have tried so hard but I get nothing at all from you, ever. I'll always miss you and care about you. You know I will. But for now, you need to be out of my head because I have other things to worry about. I'm sorry.

just a little 'post-it'.

Well, another night feeling like shit. I have no idea what is wrong with my neck and back, but I feel like a 70 year old. I should see a doctor but I really hate them, like I have said before. I'll write tomorrow because I'm going to meet some people at Flying Saucer, then go out somewhere. It's already 2am so I will be going right to bed after. Goodnight.

Sex and the City.

Woman are for friendships, men are for fucking. Hahaha, oh how I love Sex and the City! Beth, Randee and I are having a S.A.T.C. day date tomorrow! So stoked. It rules my life.

she'll walk all over you.

I love the way she looks.

talk all you want, no one is listening.

I am just annoyed and uncomfortable. I don't even know why. Fuck this Friday night. I guess doing nothing sometimes can be worth it, but was it? All I did was add and fix all the music on my Ipod. I haven't ate much all day either. I was planing on making Hamburger Helper but maybe i'll get to that as soon as i'm done this. I wanted this week to be really fun and stuff but for some reason when I look back on it, it really doesn't seem like I had the greatest time. I mean spending all that time with my boyfriend is great sometimes but now that I won't be seeing him everyday it's going to screw up my whole schedule. I feel like now he should be apart of everyday, if you know what i'm saying. I guess I get caught up in routine easy. Anyways, back to this week; I don't know if I really felt as if we got along that great. I mean, Sunday all I did was sleep and I was in a bad mood. Then almost every other day I fell asleep at some point from boredom. I don't know, maybe i'm saying this now because I am in a weird mood. Sometimes I think about things too much and exaggerate my feelings, so maybe this is one of those times? Well now it seems like I am unsure of everything. There is days when I stop and think "How did I get here? How did I end up in this position, with these people?" How bad does that sound, right? Who ever is reading this is probably thinking i'm a fucking mess, but I guess I am at this very moment. When I stop and think about those things it's like I want to change the past and end up somewhere else. Then there is other days that I know I am so happy where I am, and I wouldn't change a thing; even given the opportunity. I guess this is just that over thinking sort of day, where everything got jumbled together and sleeping it off is going to make me sane again. I seriously don't even know where this is going. I guess I'll shut up.