you regret what we've done, 'cause it had no meaning.

I don't know why I keep these thoughts in my head. They ruin hours of my life. I'm not sure if you understand, but it feels like my head could throw up from thought; like 'mind vomit'. I think about you every once in a while, but lately it's everyday. Not all day everyday, but at some point in time just something about you gets in there. I hate it, I loathe it. Either way it still never goes away. I wish I knew how to control things like this but it has to mean something from the way it sticks around, and how every thought is different. I feel hate towards you most days, some days it's just disgust, and rarely a happy time between us passes by and missing you comes into play. The question here still is why? I wish I knew. I hate actually expressing things about you when it comes to my blog, but blogging is supposed to clear my brain and that is what I am trying to do; rid you from my life. It feels wrong because you were my whole world for a long time but I can't say I know anything about you anymore. Everything about you is different. Back then you were easy and loving. Now, I wouldn't even know how to describe you. What ever you have been doing in the last two months, I do not agree with. I think you deserve so much more then this. You are a good person but not now, not lately. I wish you read this, to understand me, to know how I really feel about you, and how I am still here. I'm still the same girl you used to be in love with. The only difference is that I now love someone else. I want you to be happy for me, and I want to be friends. I have tried so hard but I get nothing at all from you, ever. I'll always miss you and care about you. You know I will. But for now, you need to be out of my head because I have other things to worry about. I'm sorry.