yeah Bradley, yeah.

Only Beth will understand.

one down, forty-nine to go.

Jon finally told me he loved me. I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when. It was really cute how shy he was because he has never been in love with any other girl. I like that I am the first because I don't have to worry about being better then anyone else, as conceited as that sounds. I of course told him I loved him back, and not because he said it first, because I meant it. I know it's only been two and a half months but we have a different relationship. It's easy, carefree, fun and I never have to worry about a thing when i'm with him. We are bestfriends so nothing matters and we are really open with each other. This is the kind of love that I miss. This is the kind of love everyone should have. I never thought I could be in love with someone else so soon, but I guess if you open up your heart to the right person and not be afraid then anything can happen. I can only hope that this lasts a long time, I actually know it will. I have no doubt in my mind that being with him can only get easier from here. We have no hate towards each other, only love and bliss. Most relationships have there up's and down's, but I can't say ours does. It makes me happy just to think about it. Now all we need is summer to come for the list to continue to be checked off. Thank you number 50.

I love you babe.

yawn..

Laziest day of my life. I never got to see the boy last night so maybe i'll see him later tonight. I miss him so much. The 7-Eleven meeting in Burlington was cancelled but of course I woke up at 6am, got ready and went to work to meet everyone and thats when I found out. I was so pissed but what can I do right? I had a shitty morning after that. I couldn't sleep and I talked to Jake which made me really upset. I finally got to sleep around 9am and slept until 3:30pm because I had a headache from crying. I want this day to get better some how, so maybe if I see the boyfriend it will make me happy. He always makes me happy so I guess that will work. If not i'll go help Beth babysit because I have an obsession with little boys and Quinn is a huge cutie.

all pain, no gain.

I have to wake up around 6am tomorrow to attend Senior Associate training in Burlington for 7-Eleven. We have to be there for 8am and if we are late they close the doors on us. It will be such a waste of a drive so I guess the earlier we get there the better. I'll probably just read on the way because Tom is driving and Emily gave me a book to read. Tom gets on my nerves, he has all these dumb car rules so I hope I get the back seat and make Ashley take the front. It's already midnight but I can't sleep this early. Jon is supposed to be messaging me after his movie so we can get together for a little just to say hi and stuff. After that I'm going to make myself come home and sleep right away because it has been so long since I have had to be up that early. Fml.

I won't let you down.

I came across an email maybe I shouldn't have. It was something I was supposed to send to Jake but I don't know if I ever did. It was for our 2 year anniversary. I sent it to him. Maybe I shouldn't have done that either, but I really don't want to be his enemy. I do miss him around, as a friend of course. I hope it doesn't bother him the way it bothered me, I got really upset reading it. I don't think that's a bad thing necessarily, I just miss the way we used to talk and how we were such good friends after we broke up. I will never forget him, and somewhere inside of me he will always have a piece of my heart, I like to think I have a piece of his too. There is a time in your life when you have to put things behind you and get over them, I think I did a pretty good job doing that. I have an amazing boyfriend and I couldn't be happier with him. He makes everything enjoyable and exciting. Sometimes words cannot describe how happy someone can make you, and I think he did that to me.

go ahead, answer it.

I can't sleep lately. It's 4am and i'm hardly tired. I've been up all night watching seasons of Sex and the City. It really makes you think about a lot of random things, and especially relationships. I really love it though. I always stay up with Jon, but that's different because I don't regret it in the morning. I don't know if I like this late night stuff, I sleep in too late and miss somethings that I should be doing earlier in the day. Maybe i'll just make myself go to bed from now on. No later then 3am-ish. That's still a little late, I know, but that's the best I can do for now. It's now 430am and I really can't think to write anymore. I'm going to bed after this episode, should be around 5. Night.

anyone can say they're above this all.

Love; we think about it, we sing about it, dream about it, and lose sleep worrying about it. When we don't have it, we search for it - when we have it, we fear losing it. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live without.

There are millions of people in the world, but in the end it all comes down to one.

<3

bb girl.

I love this girl.

repeat, repeat the words we both said.

I'm in a shitty mood for some reason. I have a head ache and I'm really tired. Thank god I don't have to work tomorrow. It's almost 4am, so I should probably get some sleep sometime soon.

I wish somethings were different sometimes, I got mad over dumb shit tonight and I'm upset about something I shouldn't be.

Goodnight.

feel it.

Last night was the cookie competition! It was so much fun, and even funnier because none of our cookies turned out how we wanted them to. Me and Kristen won for sure though. They were flat and sticky but they tasted like toffee, and the boys tasted like nothing really but they did look a lot better then ours. I want to do this again soon! I like Kristen and Jean together!

Tonight is Ashley's birthday and I have to be one of the designated drivers. I don't mind really but right now I am not in the mood to be around drunk annoying girls. I want to go visit Jon and everyone at L3 later. Cherie wanted to see me and I want to see Nechelle for sure before she leaves Sunday.

I work 3 - 6 then off to the hotel. Hopefully tonight will be better then I imagine.

survey.

Are you ready for some questions that you barely find in other surveys?
Sure!

What are you about to do?
Go to Beth's

Do you think you’ve changed over the past year?
A lot

Do you want someone back in your life?
As a friend

How much money did you spend today?

None, got none to spend

How do you feel about your hair right now?
Needs to be showered but I might be too lazy

What are you doing besides this?
Talking to Beth and Jon

Are you starting to realize anything?
Yes!

Ever had a sleepover with the opposite sex?
All the time!

Would you rather have a big house or a big garden?
Garden's are cool!

Do you ever watch movies with the subtitles on just for fun?
They are so annoying

Truth or Dare always turns sexual, doesnt it?
Yes

Do you wish someone would show up at your front door right now?
Yes!

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
Mhmm

Are you alone in the room?
Yup

Who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day?
Everyone does, I blog.

How many texts are in your inbox?
Like a million, they never delete

If you had to dye your hair another color what would it be?
Darker or blonde

Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you:
Taller apparently haha

What do you wash first in the shower?
Hair!

Name your last reason for using a camera?
Ashley's Birthday

Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
No clue

When you’re getting ready for something, do you listen to music?
Sometimes

Do you have any nieces or nephews?
No

Could you go a month without cursing?
Not at all

Would you ever live with any of your best friends?
Beth!

Will this Friday be a good one?
Yes!

Whens the last time you cried yourself to sleep?
I'm not sure!

Is there a person that you would do absolutely anything and everything for?
A few people

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
Never

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friends?
All the time

Was this weekend a good one?
So amazing!

Do you like thunderstorms?
Yes!!

Whats the weather like outside?
Cold

When is your birthday?
December 1st

Are you wearing jeans right now?
Nope

What color is your shirt right now?
Dark and light grey

Do any of your friends annoy you?
Yes

Have you seen your best friend(s) cry?
Some

Do you like late night phone calls?
Depends

What drink do you usually want if your thristy?
Depends, I get in certain moods

Have you seen pretty girls but have such nasty hearts there ugly?
Yes, personality really matters

What bothers you most about being under 18?
I'm 19

Would you say your well liked?
Yes I think so

Has your bestfriend ever seen you naked?
I don't think so ? haha

Can you say you’ve been in love?
Yes

How many people have you kissed?
Like less then 20

How did you and the person you hate get to this point?
She talked shit

Do awkward moments make you sweat?
Sometimes

On rainy days what are you mostly doing?
What ever I want

Do you listen to sad music when your upset?
Maybe

Has anyone laughed in your face when your crying?
Yes, fucking people.

What color are your nails and toe nails?
Toe nails are red

If your in a hurry how do you do your hair?
Depends if I shower or not

What’s your current dream job?
Flight attendant

when you cry can you talk clear?
Sometimes, not if i'm like hyper ventalating

What would you do if your parent hit you?
Leave

What’s your most common mood?
Laughing, happy

Do you like poems?
Certain ones

I've been dancing around the truth.

I think I am real close to being in love.

weekend warriors.

I had the most amazing weekend, by far. Friday we ventured to Toronto, me, Jon, Blake, Nick, Nechelle, Richard, Hope, Kenny and then we met Alex and a few people there. We seen Trapped Under Ice and a couple other bands. It was actually so much fun. We had a crazy race against some bitch on the highway back home, and we all met at the Gateway for some food where we seen a bunch of other people we knew like Randy and Brandon.

Saturday was Arubapalooza and wow did I ever get messy! We went to Pedro's around 8:30 maybe and the band started shortly after. I drank so much apparently which ended up with me passing out and throwing up by 11:00pm. It is pretty funny hearing all the stuff I did though. I hate and love nights like that at the same time.

Sunday was Valentines Day and I woke up feeling like shit. We all wanted to go out to dinner like we had planed the week before. We couldn't agree on anything so we went to the buffet at the casino and it was actually pretty good! Everyone else liked it too. Me, Jon, Blake, Nick, Hope, Richard and Mitch all went together and then we went to Nick's to hangout. We went to the movies to see Wolfman later on and it ended up not being so great. After that we headed back to Nick's and we built a really huge fort that me, Jon and Mitch ended up sleeping in, but no one went to bed until about 6:00am!

It probably doesn't sound as fun when you hear it but you really had to be there. It was the most fun I've had in a long time and I love everyone we were with all weekend so much.

summer nights.

Arubapalooza tonight! Party time!! I might drink, I still have yet to decide. I hope it's a lot of fun. I'm excited to dress in summer clothes! I haven't been to a good party in a long time.

my name is what?

I guess I have a lot of nicknames. I just realized today when Beth decided to give me a random new one. Well, here they are:

- Jess

- Joe

- Joseph

- Broseph

- Babe/ Baaaaabe ( does this count )

- Lettuce

- 5 year old

- Hunnnnny

- Sexy pants ( the bf is a weirdo )

- Perfect

- Squirrel

I believe that is all, and all I can remember seeing as it's almost 2am.

Night night!

Wednesday friendsday.

Today was a lot of fun! I went to Beth's all day and we did so much stuff. When I first got there we made some eggs and tea and then watched the movie Alpha Dog, which I love. Then we took Gomez, her dog, for a long walk down Queen Street and all around that area. We are hopefully going to the cute French place for Valentines day. When we passed it I got really excited because it's so nice and has such a good menu that is all in French! When we got back to Beth's we colored and drew for like 3 hours. I drew some pretty cool stuff! I like the one I drew for Jon the best though. We had chicken nuggets for dinner, and more tea of course, then just watched t.v. until I left. I thought it was a pretty cute day! We seem to always have cute dates, and I love it.

Tomorrow i'm not sure what I am doing other then hopefully getting my clothes from Tara, because I keep putting it off, and then sorting all the clothes I already have. It's going to take a really long time though because I have so many! I think it's good though because then I get to come across stuff that I forgot about and i'll start to wear again.

tonight.

It's Pedro's birthday today! The girl he is seeing is having a get together sort of thing at her house for him. I think that's really cute, but I hope it's fun! I was at Jon's all morning until about an hour ago because he went to school. I have to go back soon though! I'm pretty mad it's snowing again, I just want summer to come now!

my main squeeze.

This is what I've been up to in the past little while. I love these people so much

<3

pretty please?!

Someone love me and buy me some tattoos!

K thanks!

love.

i'm not sure, i'm not sure I wanna know.

Sometimes I feel like I refrain from saying some thing on here that I probably shouldn't. I mean, what would the point of the blog be if I didn't put all of my feelings. I'll try from now on..

in love, in every way.

When the sun came up,
We were sleeping in,
Sunk inside our blankets,
Sprawled across the bed,
And we were dreaming,

There are moments when,
When I know it and
The world revolves around us,
And we're keeping it,
Keep it all going,
This delicate balance,
Vulnerable all knowing,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, kill for this

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would...

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything,
we're glad for what we've got,
Done with what we've lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would....

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything.

little bit of this and that.

I just woke up. I feel like I never have anything to really look forward to, unless I have awesome plans somewhere in my day. I wish I had a job to go to everyday, even though I know I would hate it if that actually happened, I just want the money! Today I am supposed to bake with Brady but i'm not sure if that will happen or not.

I told the boy that we should stop sleeping together so much, just because it's only been two months and we actually do a lot. It's not like a bad thing but I mean sometimes I feel like it can ruin a relationship and I don't want that. I usually wait a while to be comfortable with someone and get to know all about them and stuff but this time I am more then comfortable so it was easy to get into so quick. I'm glad he thought this was a good idea too though, makes me way happier!

Last night I was talking to Mark about his life problems and stuff and it made me realize how I really need to start caring as well. It's just the matter of needing money. If I had money I would move out in a flash and work all the time, then I feel like I would have everything under control and would be amazingly happy! Fuck money, why does everything revolve around it.

my day.

I had a really decent day! Slept in until 3-ish, went with Beth and Trevor to watch them skateboard at their secret spot, met Emily at Boston Pizza, baked really amazing cookies, drank lots of tea, and played poker until 11:30pm. To me that is a pretty good day! My besties couldn't make me happier and I love spending all day with them.

Now i'm frustrated.. cya.

the sickness.

I am tired and sore. I wish my crazy body illness would go away! If this continues for another month, I guess I could consider seeing a doctor. I hate doctors though, I feel like they never actually help; well unless they tell me something useful like I have cancer. Let's hope not though!