the beginning of the end.

I'm having a boring night so I might as well blog. I feel like it's a chore now but some people like to lurk so i'll give them something to do. I'm in a weird mood right now and I don't know what it is. I feel weird, and mad, and sad or something. I wish it was tomorrow, but I didnt have to sleep and it would just arrive. I'm supposed to get a tattoo tomorrow, which I will. I also want to shop but i might refrain due to brokeness and knowing that I shouldn't. Everything seems so out of reach right now. I feel like I can never acheive any goals and that I never have any money. I hate needing money all the time when I don't have it. I guess I could say I feel useless and poor and sad. I don't really know right now. I get in these stupid moods and then while i'm getting out of them I tell myself that I will do this and that and be a better person for myself, I guess. In the end I clearly don't and nothing changes. I just want tomorrow to come so I can be happy and work and enjoy everything. When it really comes down to it I should focus on what I need, not what I want. I need a new car to last me longer then months at a time. I need a bedroom so I can be happy going home and actually spend some time there. I need my best friends around more often, but we never have time for eachother. I need to compromise, listen and learn with my boyfriend; i love him more then anything but we have our up's and down's. But, the most important thing is I need to be happy more often. To just put my hate and my dumb feelings about everything aside and just have a better outlook on everything. I just need all this for me. Maybe this is the first stage of realizing what this is really all about. Good luck to me.