can you wait 'til then?

It's been over a week I think since I wrote last. Blogging makes me feel a lot better and I hate that I don't have internet at my mom's. It feels weird to blog when i'm with Jon but I can't wait to write any longer. I've missed it, so here's what's been up. I've done a lot of hanging out with the same crew and of course my girls. I like who I see all the time because they are the people that really matter to me and they make me really happy! I went to the movies with Shannon last week, so it was nice to see her but we need to have a gossip day because we never got to talk much. I went out for breakfast to Cora's with Beth and Emily and it was really good; one of the best breakfast places I've been to! This weekend I went to Dragon Fly on Friday for the first time and then Chili Pepper Saturday for the first time. Both of the places were really fun, but I didn't drink. We had v.i.p. at Dragon Fly but it really never made a difference when you were in there, it was kind of just a place to sit and there was another bar.

I have been having trouble with Jake lately and I wish I could just be okay with him. It sucks a lot because I always thought we would be close friends, but now he says he hates me. I feel like I never did anything wrong and I have been trying to be really nice, ask him to hangout, and talk to him about anything but he seems to still resent me. I got upset this morning when he said he didn't want to talk to me anymore. I guess I never really pictured him not being around, and now that I realized, i'm really sad. I will get over it obviously but for now I want to see if I can actually sit down with him and get some closure on some stuff. I love him as a person still no matter what happens so I hope that helps.

This kind of brings me to think about my Summer List. Number 50 on the list says that I want to fall in love. When I say it like that it's just words, but when I think about it, it might be harder then it seems. Jake was the first and only person I have been in love with, and I would never forget that because you of course never forget your first love. Now that I am with Jon, everything is different and I really love it and really like him but I don't know how easy it will be to tell another person I love them. No matter if I feel it or not, it is just different and makes me feel bad in a way because it's like I think Jake would be mad and sad that I could love someone else. It's weird that I even care about this but it's hard not to think about sometimes.

Well movie time, no more depressing ranting for me.